If There Were A Magic Bullet — This Would Be It

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Abundant Affection would be that magic bullet!

We are all programmed instinctively to want to give and receive love. It is absolutely imperative that we are loved in order to be healthy, but noted psychologist Carl Rogers, found in his research that it is three times more powerful to give love than to receive love in building our own personal power and self-esteem. We cannot directly control whether we are loved, but we can control whether or not we give love.

Affection is the active demonstration of love. When it is given sincerely, nothing is more powerful.

I am finding that we are living in a society that is starved for love and affection. Many compensate for this impoverishment through destructive means such as drugs, alcohol, thrill-seeking, porn, promiscuity or just withdrawing and shutting down emotionally.

It takes courage, self-confidence and a healthy personality to be able to be genuinely affectionate. I believe that connecting with others, uplifting, encouraging and just plain old loving others is the greatest service and gift we can give to others, and ourselves.

Kids thrive in an openly affectionate atmosphere. It is not enough to just be affectionate, you need to be abundantly affectionate. We crave it! We need it! Don’t be selfish with it or insecure — lay it on and mean it.

You should be verbally and physically affectionate. Be no respecter of persons, let everyone be warmed by your bonfire of love.

There is good and bad in just about everything. Focus on the positive in the world around you, but especially in those around you — and don’t leave yourself out! You deserve love, patience, tolerance, forgiveness and encouragement as much as anyone else. Be the most affectionate person you know.

If it is hard for you to say “I love you”, then face your fears and practice until it becomes easy. Practice appreciation and gratitude. Practice pointing out the good in others. Give hugs. Save others. Be an example of a generous, morally mature, loving individual and I promise you — miracles will occur in your life and the lives of those you warm.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Randy Hyde

The Foundation of The Family

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

If you are married, then your marriage is the foundation of your family. If you are not married then you are the foundation of your family. I have heard countless times parents say that they are staying together for the children.

Poor excuse and deflection of responsibility. What are they teaching their children by doing that? How to live in a loveless marriage, treat your partner poorly, poor relationship skills, how to be a doormat or let someone walk all over you, that when you grow up you don’t really matter you have to sacrifice your life for others who do matter?

If you are married, learn what it takes to be happily married! Do it for yourself, your partner and your kids. The more mature the person the easier it is to get along with them. It can be VERY difficult living with an immature person. It can be very difficult living with someone who has a personality disorder etc.

However, you made a commitment — honor that marital commitment. If your marriage isn’t what it ought to be then have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse and see if they are willing and committed to making the marriage better. It takes two spouse’s commitment and work to make a marriage successful.

It will take learning, sacrifice and change; in other words, you may have to mature or grow up and be better than you are now. But isn’t that what life is all about?

iChology will be releasing trainings that are designed to help marriages and families succeed and learn how to do what is necessary to fill their lives with love, commitment, happiness and growth. These will be released in the next few months.

What does it take to have a good marriage?

Maturity
Tolerance and patience
Sacrifice
Service
Positivity
Respect
Cooperation
To name a few…

Like anything else it will take an investment of time and energy. If you want a better marriage, invest in it. It will take at least weekly date nights, abundant affection, play, working together, allowing the other person to make their own decisions, communication, problem solving and appropriate conflict resolution. If you are single — bless your heart!

No one sacrifices as much as a single parent. Often they have to get up early and go to bed late in order to get everything done. They sacrifice everything for their kids. Take care of yourself too. You need friends, something to look forward to and to have fun! You have a life to. If you sacrifice your life then pretty soon you won’t have much to give.

Warm Regards,

Randy Hyde, PhD.